I recently went on a date with a guy who fit pretty much everything I thought I was looking for, he was good on paper. He was clever, really clever. There was plenty of intelligent conversation. He was tall and seemed like a good guy. So what went wrong? Nothing at all, the conversation was perfectly pleasant but there was no spark, none, nothing. I liked him, but in an ‘I want to set you up with my friend’ kind of way.
Now, I’m not going to drag him along to see if a spark ever develops, that would be unfair and if I’m perfectly honest I don’t really believe it could have developed over time. He’d walked straight into the friend zone. So what about me, how do I find this spark?
Could it be that online dating has got everything backwards? We check their profile for what we think we want, once each box is ticked we don heels and head out. Surely the spark should come first? If the spark is there, then height, job and all the other stuff we think we want in a man would be inconsequential.
I’ll admit that doing things backwards does have it’s benefits. It’s much easier to weed out the creeps and the time wasters in an online setting. That said, I miss pubs and I miss my twenties. It really was so much easier to find a spark back then.
I wonder is the setting wrong? Is a chat over a coffee too much like a job interview? Is there any way that a conversation with a stranger can not be difficult? Surely I don’t shouldn’t need alcohol to put myself at ease, or maybe I do. It would certainly help with the first date nerves, especially the ones I’m particularly excited for.
Obviously cinema as a date is out, that’s always a disaster. So what’s the answer? Going for a walk can be nice but I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants an opportunity to look their best on a first date and trainers knock that prospect dead. A meal and a glass of wine is an impressive opener but what do you do if the conversation is horrendous, there’s no escape. Nobody wants to sit opposite a bad date while they nibble through their meal at a snails pace.
Almost 2 months in and I still have more questions than answers. Suggestions on a postcard please.