Resting On Their Laurels

I recently discovered that not all single women have the same approach to online dating as I do. It seems there are women in 2015 who would never message a man first, who believe a man should hold the door open for them and expect to be wooed. Is this behaviour not more suited to a Jane Austen novel?

Would these women also not go after a career they wanted? What about going out and buying that must-have pair of shoes? If I really want something, I go for it. Yes it is that simple. We might fail, but isn’t that better than not trying at all? It seems not.

As they sit at home, perfecting their duck face and waiting for him to message first, all the self-help books and inspirational memes in the world won’t do an ounce of good.

Having spoken to both men and women, the consensus seems to be that most of the time the guy must message first. I don’t message a lot of guys but when I see one I’m particularly drawn to I will certainly not be lighting a candle and asking sky faeries or the universe to send him in my direction. I send initial messages on a quality over quantity premise.

I challenged one woman on this and the conversation went as follows:

Me: If you want to talk to him, just message him. If you want equality you need to behave like an equal. Simples. 

Woman: But I don’t want equality. It can be a real pain. Why can’t we have selective equality instead?

Me: Are you serious?

Woman: I think the guy should always make the first move, ask you out and hold the door for you. I think these kinds of traditions should last. 

It was at this point that I bowed out of the conversation, I was utterly aghast at what I was hearing. Do these women want to be tied to the kitchen sink, popping out children and having no voice of their own? Are they looking for a real life version of Don Draper. Personally, I can’t imagine anything worse.

Or maybe it’s me? Have I taken feminism too far in expecting to be willing to make the first move and not be branded as lustful and salacious because of it? Shouldn’t equal mean equality in all scenarios? I will continue to open my own doors, earn my own money, go after what I want and be bold enough to take the credit if I do get it.


Comments on: "Resting On Their Laurels" (3)

  1. Balls to the wall girl! I love it… I’m both modern and old fashioned in equal measures. I’ve never done the online dating thing… well, I have had some profiles and when it comes to online, I’m very gullible. I attracted a couple of psychos before getting the hint that it wasn’t for me. Never met up with them mind you… for good reason.

    I connect much better in person…thats where my intuition is strongest. But I had to learn that too 😉

  2. Not as many psychos as you’d think Amanda. It’s fun but I’m never gonna be that shy, coy type. I expect you wouldn’t be either!

  3. I too, open my own doors, am fiercely independent and proud to say that I don’t need any man, ever, to do anything for me that I cannot do myself. That being said, I like that show of respect when a man does hold the door and steps back to let me go ahead of him. I don’t feel at all like it makes me the weaker sex…in fact, it’s sort of…empowering, for lack of a better word. Yes, I CAN do it myself, but I don’t have to unless I so choose. I agree with you on the who-messages-first thing…but have to admit, I lean more towards the traditional, let him make the first move mind-set. I guess I kind of look at it like I’m still holding all of my cards that way, let him lay his down on the table before I have to place my bets…

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